What Do You Think?: Boys Projecting an Image

Scenario:

Javier just turned 12 and is going to junior high next year.  He wants to fit in with the older boys and start at his new school with a cool image.  His older brother who is in 11th grade always wears big white shirts over saggy jeans or long khaki shorts so that he looks kind of like a gangster, even though he is not affiliated with any gangs.  Javier doesn’t think about gangs he just wants to look older and get more respect like his brother so he decides to start dressing like him.  He also starts emulating his brother’s attitude of being too cool for school and not showing much emotion.  Ever since he started making these changes he finds himself getting in trouble more in school, and today his teacher sent him to the office for fighting even though the other kid was the one starting it and Javier didn’t do anything.

Questions For Discussion:

1. Why do you think his teacher assumed he started the fight?  Have you ever had someone misjudge you based on your appearance?
2. What other negative consequences might Javier face if he continues to dress and act in this way?  (consider law enforcement, actual gang members, employment opportunities etc) What positive consequences might he encounter, if any?
3. Why do you think dressing like gangsters is so popular? 
4. How do you think Javier’s parents feel about his change in dress and demeanor? 
5. Do you think it is worth it to change the way you look and act just to seem older?  Especially if you encounter negative stereotypes because of it?

Factoids:

** Brains are wired for imitation.  Boys want to grow-up to be like their fathers, brothers, and other male role models in their lives.  Children have a natural tendency to emulate older children because they look up to them, therefore they want to be like them. 

** Baggy shirts and saggy pants, a trend which began in the prisons, has increasingly become more mainstream in our culture.  Boys often feel they need to adopt this style of dress in-order to fit-in.  Music, media, and the internet are filled with images of this style of dress.  Popular artists, such as Lil’ Wayne and Eminem, gain a lot of attention for their style, making this also something that kids want to emulate.  Kids may not understand the origins of these images.  Those who begin dressing like this may also eventually want to repeat some of the actions of these individuals and my find themselves in trouble by doing so.

** Youth who are assumed to be affiliated with gangs or other negative groups are often treated differently, regardless of whether or not they are actually a member of that group.  This could lead them to become apathetic and/or could actually cause the very same behaviors the law enforcement, parents, teachers, or other authority figures are trying to prevent.

** Kids who go against the social norms in their neighborhoods and at school can often become the targets of other kids.  This can often make the kids feel as if they have to dress and act a certain way to avoid standing out in the crowd and getting picked on.

How Mentors Can Help:

** Talk with your mentee about how their appearance is often assumed to be an outward reflection of who they are and, if they are dressing a certain way, like a “gangster,” it might be assumed that they are affiliated with the people who normally dress and act this way.  Encourage them to dress to represent who they are and not who someone else is.

** Share with your mentee about times when you tried to dress or act a certain way to fit in and talk with them about how that affected the way others interacted with you.

** Talk with your mentee about their actions at school, at home, and in general.  Discuss positive versus negative actions and ways in which they can make positive decisions for themselves and with others.  Talk with them about staying away from fighting, drugs, and other dangerous scenarios and how, if they are part of one of these situations, even if they are not doing it, they could get into trouble by association just by being there.

** For kids who have siblings, talk with them about how they look up to their older siblings and/or how their younger siblings look up to them.  Use examples if you have older or younger siblings.  Talk about how they could be positive role models for younger kids, peers, and siblings (older or younger).  For those who have older siblings, talk about some of the positive things the siblings are doing (playing a sport, getting good grades, helping others, etc).  Discuss some of the actions of these older kids and what is and isn’t age appropriate for your mentee.

Resources:

News Article

NBC Today Show article

What Do You Think?: Girls Wanting to Look Older

Scenario:

Alicia is 13 and in 7^th grade. She wants to start wearing make-up because she thinks it will get her more attention from her older brother’s friends, who are all in high school. She thinks the boys her age are stupid, but is interested in dating. She wants her brother’s friends to stop thinking of her as a little girl, so she thinks if she starts wearing eyeliner, mascara, and foundation that she’ll start looking like a high school student.

Her big chance will be at a party on Friday night. Now with Facebook, if Alicia goes to that party, she knows that pictures will be posted that night, and wants to look good for the camera. She decides that will be her debut. Alicia convinces a few friends that they should all go buy make-up and new outfits for Friday, so they head out to State Street with a picture of their idol, Selena Gomez,from her new music video, and buy things to imitate her…big hoops, dark eye shadow and liner, and a short dress. Since Alicia hasn’t fully matured yet, she decides she also needs a push-up bra.

Questions for Discussion:

1. Have you worn make-up before? What have you worn, and when? Do your friends? What age do you think is too young to wear make-up?

2. Have you ever thought about “looking older”? What does that mean to you?

3. Why would you want to look older? What do you think you might accomplish through this?

4. Did you know that most TV shows that portray junior high and high school students have actors/actresses that are actually much older? (Selena Gomez is 20, the cast of Glee are between 20 & 28, Degrassi is set in Junior High, and they’re all 15-21).

5. What possible positive and negative consequences could come out of looking older than your age?  What kind of guy might that attract?

Factoids:

** Girls are beginning to use make-up at an earlier age.  From 2007-2009, the percentage of 8-12 year-old girls who use mascara rose from 10 to 18% and from 10 to 15% for lipstick.  Neutrogena’s cosmetic director states that 75% of consumers ages 14-17 are using foundation on a regular basis.

** Television and Hollywood put pressure on teenagers to look much older than they really are.

o   The average age of the characters in the show “Glee” is 25 and two of the actors who play teenagers in the show “90210” are over the age of 30.

o   Starlets under the age of 18, such as Taylor Momsen, are not only using make-up, but are wearing a heavy amount of it, along with clothing that might even be deemed inappropriate for adults, such as thigh-high boots.

o   With “The Kardashians,” “Jersey Shore,” and similar shows being part of popular culture, teenagers are seeing made-up, provocatively dressed, party-goers being labeled as “reality” television.

** Cosmetic and fashion brands continue to target teenagers, such as Neutrogena’s “Teen” line, scantily clad teenagers on the runway, and make-ups with names that sound like candy.

** Many pictures of models and celebrities use airbrushing and other techniques to give a false idea of what “beauty” actually is, making many young women feel as if they need to reach an unattainable standard of beauty.

** Current research is being done by the National Institutes of Health on the link between ingredients in make-up and earlier onset of puberty, with small connections already being made between the two.

** Teens with skin concerns may use make-up to feel more self-confident.  Too much make-up or using products with certain harmful ingredients could end-up worsening their skin, as many cosmetics contain ingredients that clog pores. 

** Teenage girls who try to dress and act older than they are may be expected to act the ages they are trying to portray, especially by older men they might encounter, which could potentially put them in dangerous situations.  Teenagers have less of an ability to think ahead to the consequences of their actions and are often more focused on fitting in.

What Can Mentors Do?

** Encourage trying some light make-up at home first and starting small (clear mascara, tinted sunscreen or moisturizer, and colored lip gloss).

** Encourage your mentee to check the ingredients in the make-up so they do not end-up doing damage to their skin or bodies.

** Talk with them about if they have considered how trying to look older might appear to others and if they have thought about what types of situations this could potentially put them in.

** Share your own experience with makeup and the positive and negative consequences you encountered when you first started wearing it.

** Talk with your mentee to see how much they have thought through potential situations they could get into and encourage them to think through potential consequences.

** Ask your mentee, if they hang out with an older boy, could there be differences in what she and him are expecting from the situation because of how she is presenting herself with makeup. 

** Talk with your mentee about what characteristics of themselves they feel positive about, making sure they find at least one thing that has nothing to do with make-up or clothing.

** Talk with them about the difference between television and magazine images and real images and encourage them to find people who aren’t magazine images who they find beautiful.

** Talk with them about how their behavior, actions, and how they treat others show their inner beauty on the outside just as much as make-up.

For additional information:

Berkeley Parents Network

LA Times Article

Teens Makeup.com

The Guardian article

Teen Vogue

Psychology Today

New York Times article