What Do You Think? Transitions Part 1: Elementary to Middle School

Scenario:

Emilio has had a mentor with the mentor program since he was 9 years old, and now he is graduating from elementary school and going to middle school. He is excited to make new friends and start at a new school, but he is also a little embarrassed to have his mentor come meet him at his new school because there will be new people to meet and older students there he wants to impress. He really enjoys having his Mentor in his life, and wants to continue seeing his Mentor, but is nervous and worried what other kids and his new friends might think of him hanging out with an adult at school. He also doesn't know if it's possible to meet his Mentor off campus somewhere every week, and if he will have time to meet his Mentor because of more homework, new friends, and new activities. Emilio really wants to continue meeting with his Mentor because he enjoys all the help and encouragement, but doesn't know what to expect from the change from elementary school to middle school.

Questions for Discussion:

1. What would you do if you were Emilio? How might Emilio benefit from continuing to meet with his mentor through middle school?

2. How do you think Emilio’s mentor would feel if he knew how Emilio felt about this transition? Do you think he would understand?

3. How do you think Emilio can talk to his Mentor about this? What are some of the ways he can still meet with his Mentor outside of school?

4. Are you ever embarrassed or have you been teased when your Mentor comes to meet you at school? If so, how did you deal with it?

5. Do you feel like Emilio will be too old for a Mentor when he gets to middle school? Are you worried about being teased by your peers if you meet with your Mentor as you get older?

Factoids:

**Self-esteem and self-perception of academic competence also may decline when students transition to middle school, especially for girls. One study found that girls who remained in a K-8 setting rather than transitioning to a middle school had higher self-esteem ratings than girls who had made a school transition (Crockett, Peterson, Graber, Schulenberg, & Ebata, 1989).

**A number of studies point to a drop in achievement as students move to new schools and new structures, and the drop may be more significant for girls than for boys.

**When researchers asked kids what aspect of moving to middle school most concerned them, the top answers related to how things at the new school worked (Akos, 2002).

Student motivation and attitudes toward school tend to decline during the transition to middle school, as students begin dealing with the rapid physical, cognitive, and social transformations associated with early adolescence (Urdan & Klein, 1998).

**Young adolescents have a strong need to belong to a group. Peer approval becomes more important and they are likely to turn to friends first when experiencing a problem. As they mature socially, they often have opposing loyalties to peer group and family.

**Though young adolescents may be rebellious toward parents and adults, they still depend on them and desire their approval. They tend to test limits and challenge adult authority figures. (Adapted from Caskey & Anfara, 2007)

**Young adolescents begin to seek independence and to develop a strong sense of individuality and uniqueness. At the same time, they are highly sensitive to criticism, want to fit in with their peers, and are likely to have low self-esteem. They may be moody, restless, self-conscious, and unpredictable as they experience intense emotions and stress.

How Mentors Can Help:

**As your Mentee begins to transition out of 6th (or 5th in Carp) grade, make a plan or offer to help them set up their schedule for middle school/junior high. Maybe take them on a tour of their new school during the summer so they can get familiar with its layout and what to expect. Then you can segue into talking about how and where you would like to keep meeting with them as they transition.

** Go over the change from one teacher and one classroom to multiple teachers and multiple classrooms, and help them prepare for how this will create more distraction and a greater need for organization (binders etc).

** Give your Mentee options and places to meet off campus, outside of school, but keep it consistent. Your Mentee will be more social, a bit more resistant to parents, teachers, Mentors, and adults in their life at this transition so just try not to take it personally. Be accepting of them and their needs, treating them like a child will push them away, while showing them respect will bring them closer.

** Make note of your Mentee's current social life, and how excited or nervous they are about changing schools. If your Mentee is already very social and influenced by their social life they will be more sensitive about meeting on campus. If they are quiet and shy they may be very scared about this big change and will need your support. Tell your mentee about your experience with this transition and let them know you understand what they are going through and are there for them no matter what.

** Encourage extracurricular activities in middle school, as there are tons of sports teams and groups on campus, and many ways to explore their interests and hobbies through school. Mention that this will allow for them to make new friends at a new school, and you can come to the games to support them without embarrassment.

** Peer pressure will be even more present in your Mentee's life, as drugs, alcohol, weekend parties and socializing can make an appearance. Try to keep an open dialogue about these topics so they feel they can always talk to you about whatever is going on in their life.

**And just remember, they are becoming teenagers with all the difficulties that implies, so expect some odd changes and behaviors and just try to be as accepting and supportive of them as you can, because they will need you now more than ever.

NY Times article on Middle School

Resource:

Making the Transition to Middle School: How Mentoring Can Help

Transitions to and from Middle School Research Article

What Do You Think?: Teasing the Kid Who Doesn't Sound Like You

Scenario: Casie is in the 5th grade and is very popular with her classmates. Everyone wants to be her friend and play with her during recess. Casie has played with the same friends since she was in the first grade, and they have become a close group of girls. One day, Casie’s new classmate Lisa comes up to ask if she can play with Casie. Casie starts laughing at Lisa because she has a stutter. She says, “No Lisa, you can’t play with us because you sound weird. Why do you even talk like that?” Casie goes on and starts fake stuttering back at Lisa. All her friends are laughing and they start making fun of Lisa too so they can be as cool as Casie. Lisa starts to cry and runs into the bathroom.


Questions for Discussion:

1. Why do you think Casie reacted the way she did to Lisa? Do you think she thought about her actions before doing them? Might she have acted differently if she wasn’t surrounded by her friends?
2. Why do you think kids tease each other in general? What did Casie gain by teasing Lisa? Do you think Cassie will get in trouble for this?
3. How do you think Lisa feels? How might this affect her in the future?
4. Have you ever made fun of someone because they speak differently? Why did you do it or why didn’t you? How do you feel about that now?
5. If you saw someone being made fun of, would you try to stop it? What would you do?
6. Have you ever been teased for the way you sound before? What might you do if you were? Would you tell someone?

Factoids:
* Every seven minutes, a child is bullied at a school yard. Bullying is serious and can range from verbal to physical taunting. It can cause emotional and physical pain which could have long term effects on those who are teased.

* There are often differences in the way boys and girls bully. Boys may use more direct verbal and physical bullying tactics, while girls may use more indirect and psychological tactics for bullying. All of these can be extremely detrimental to a child’s emotional and physical well-being.

* Bullying has changed to now include cyber-bullying, which can involve texting, social media, e-mail, and harassing phone calls. Nearly 42% of kids have reported being bullied online and many have had this happen on more than one occasion.

* Megan Meier was a teenage victim of cyber-bullying when other created a fake web page to gain her confidence, which was then used to taunt her mercilessly until she finally hung herself. She was only thirteen years old at the time. Http://www.meganmeierfoundation.org/ is the site for the foundation that was created to work toward prevention of cyber bullying.

* Children may have access to weapons, and if bullying escalates, the bully or the bullied could bring it to school with devastating consequences. One study estimates that one out of twenty students has seen a gun at school.

* Teasing often occurs most in areas with the least amount of supervision, such as hallways, buses, and on the way to or from school. Without an adult witness, it often has to escalate before it is reported, as many kids are taught that “tattling” is wrong and they often can feel too ashamed to say anything.

* Despite many schools having “No Tolerance” policies for bullying, it still occurs on a frequent basis amongst all grade levels and ages. Studies show that around 30% of kids have been bullied, have bullied others, or both. A country-wide study showed that 74% of 8-11 year-olds state that teasing and bullying occurs in their schools on a regular basis.

* Even some of the kids who are considered to be “popular” can still feel very insecure. They may try to distract from this by making fun of other kids.

* Children will join in with teasing other kids if they feel that it is going to allow them to be part of the more popular crowd, even if they do not feel it is the right thing to do.

* Kids who have more confidence are often less likely to tease others. Kids who have more confidence are often more likely to remain resilient when other kids tease them.

* Children often imitate those around them, especially parents, older siblings and kids, and other older mentors. Positive role modeling has a big influence in how kids carry themselves and interact with those around them.

* Arming kids with tools that help them to be more self-confident, such as humor and positive self-image, will allow them to have better outcomes when encountering peer pressure, teasing, and other challenging situations.

How Mentors Can Help:
* Talk to your mentee about times when they have been teased or when they have teased other kids. Share examples from your experiences. Talk about their feelings and your feelings, as well as what can be learned from both. If your mentee is hesitant to talk about it, you can use your examples and other examples to make them feel more comfortable opening up.

* It is important to take any reports of serious bullying seriously. If someone is causing harm to your mentee, please follow up appropriately. Encourage your mentee to look at some outlets for their feelings, such as this movement: http://www.makebeatsnotbeatdowns.org/movement_new.html

* If your mentee has participated in teasing, talk with them about what guided this decision. Encourage them to step into the other kid’s shoes and think about how they might feel if they were being teased that way. Talk with them about some ways they can treat all of their peers with respect, no matter what someone else does. Make sure not to criticize this behavior in a way that might cause them to shut down; rather try getting them to understand what is motivating them to tease others and helping them to come to the understanding of treating others how they would want to be treated.

* If your mentee has been teased, talk with them about why they think the kid(s) who teased them is feeling and why they might be doing this. They may not respond as well to this right away, so it might be helpful to talk about how someone who is doing the teasing is often insecure about something themselves. Make sure not to excuse this behavior, simply make it so that the kid being teased has a better understanding that it is not about them, even if it feels that way.

* Let your mentee know that, no matter what anyone says, they have nothing to be ashamed about. Encourage them to embrace the things that make them unique and not to be ashamed of anything about themselves.

* Whether or not your mentee has been teased, work with them on ways that they can use humor and self-confidence to avoid being influenced by others in a negative way. Encourage your mentee to stand up for his or herself in a positive and non-violent way and to not let anyone else have power over them.

* For LGBTQ identified mentees, encourage them to look into the messages of hope on the “It Gets Better” website: http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

Additional Resources:

** Tips for responding to teasing
** How to help a child being teased
** "Teaseproofing" a youth
** Helping Kids Deal with Bullies
** Facts about Bullying
** Facts About Cyberbullying

What Do You Think?: Is College Within My Reach?

Scenario:

Nicole is the youngest of four children and just entered 9th grade.  No one in her family has ever been to college, except maybe a class or two at City College.  Her parents both work two jobs to support the family and they encourage Nicole to get a job after high school.  However, she has been talking with her favorite teacher and he told her that she would do great in college and it will help her get a better higher paying job.  He shared stories about how college was one of the best times of his life and how it helped him realize his passion for teaching.  Nicole also wants to be a teacher and so she has started considering actually going to college.  The thought of being the first person from her family to do so is at the same time exciting and terrifying, but she still can’t quite see it as a true possibility.  She knows her family is poor because her parents have to work so much and they always scrape by for a day or two at the end of every month, so how could they possibly afford college?!

Questions for Discussion:

1. What should Nicole do to find out more information about college and how to pay for it?  Who can she talk to?
2. Do you think that your family could afford college for you?  If money was not an issue would you want to go to college?  Why or why not?
3. Do you know anything about financial aid and scholarship money?
4. What do you think about being the first one in a family to go to college?  Would that make you want to go more or less?
5. What do you think Nicole’s parents and siblings will think about her applying for college? Will they be supportive?  What about your family?

Factoids

* The Scholarship Foundation of Santa Barbara offers scholarships to students with a high school diploma or GED who have spent four years in Santa Barbara schools from grades 7 to 12.  http://www.sbscholarship.org/students/loan_apply/index.html is the website for these scholarships. They also list other specialty scholarships here, including ones who are AB540 status. Another SB site for AB540 scholarships is the Adsum Education Foundation.

The Ventura County Community Fund supports Ventura students with college funds (http://www.vccf.org/funds/scholarship_fund_vc/index.shtml)

* There are many websites which break down cost and answer questions that students might have, making it less difficult to find out the information they need, such as: http://www.princetonreview.com/scholarships-financial-aid.aspx and there are also forums where other students can go online and discuss the pros and cons of different options.  This is often a great way for students to connect with others who are looking at similar options and/or those who have already made similar decisions. 

* Summer competitions and other essays can earn students scholarships simply by having them write their story, share their goals, and/or test their academics.  High marks are also ways to earn academic scholarships, but there are many types of scholarships available.  Scholarships can be competitive, but there are also numerous scholarship funds that go unused because not enough people apply.  http://www.scholarshiphelp.org/ is a site that lists different types of scholarships that are out there.  Religious, athletic, high school, and military scholarships are some of the many types available. 

* Work-study programs at universities work with financial aid programs for students who have financial need.  Universities often offer these employment options as a way to benefit both the students and university, as the university then has lower cost employees, and the students often are able to study during down times at work and are able to work around their class schedules as well.  Especially in local college communities, many places of employment cater to student schedules, with part-time employment available on nights or weekends, and even summer or holiday employment.

* Grants are often offered to students who demonstrate financial need, usually on a first-come-first-served basis.  Grant money is financial aid which does not have to be re-paid.  Federal loans (Stafford and Perkins) are cheaper than private loans and often have more flexible repayment options.  Private loans are also an option if Federal loan funds are not available or have been utilized.  Early applications are the best way to maximize the amount of aid available.

* Based on demographics, students may find it easier to get into school in some locations over others.  In recent years, some regions in the Midwest and Northeast have not seen as many first-year applicants, which led them to offer more scholarships in-order to increase enrollment.

* If a student is undocumented, they may not be eligible for federal aid.  However, there are other resources out there which have funds specifically to support undocumented students in their education. http://www.finaid.ucsb.edu/Media/Documents/ScholarshipsForUndocumentedStudents.pdf  and some of the listed sources at the bottom of this blog have some great resources for undocumented students to receive financial support for college. 

How Mentors Can Help:

* Talk about your own decisions about going to college, whether or not you went, how you decided where to go, who you talked to, and how you paid for it.  If you did not go to college, talk about this decision, and you can also talk about those you know who went to college, into the military, or trade school. 

* Discuss your mentee’s motivation for going to college, whether this if financial, occupational, personal, etcetera.  Discuss some of the goals they want to achieve and help them to really feel sure about their decisions and not just feel family or other pressure.  Encourage them to consider all of their options.

* Encourage your mentee to talk with their high school career center and counselor about what kind of preparation they need in-order to apply for colleges.  Help them begin to work on some of their goals and where they see themselves going.

* Talk with them about considering junior college first or other local college in-order to save money on tuition and allow them more time to figure out their career goals.  Encourage them to start looking earlier so they have more time to make an informed decision. 

* Talk to your mentee about scholarships and other financial support.  Encourage them to write about their stories, their goals, and their reasons for going to college and sending them in as essays for scholarship money for college. http://www.scholarshiphelp.org/ is a site to help them take a look at the different types of scholarships available.  Encourage them to search for scholarships in their local area, as well as talking with their high school, religious organizations, employer, and the universities they are planning to apply to. 

* Direct them to the FAFSA website and talk with them about financial aid.  http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ contains a lot of information for applicants about different types of aid and how to apply.  Let your mentee know that there is a lot of aid out there and the responsibility would not have to fall on her parents.  Scheduling an appointment with a college financial aid officer is a great way to give them an idea of what they will need to do and what might be out there.

* Talk with your mentee about working students and how many jobs are flexible with students’ class schedules, especially on-campus jobs. 

* Encourage them to be wary of credit card companies that often target young adults and discuss with them the pros and cons of credit cards.

* Talk with them about different resources out there - friends, school counselors, teachers, and online sites (such as: http://www.college.gov/wps/portal ) and other online forums where students discuss their decisions, what worked and what didn’t.

Funding Resources for Undocumented Students:

Adsum Education Foundation

SB Scholarship Foundation

List of Scholarships Available

Additional List of Scholarships Available

MALDEF Law School scholarships

US Hispanic Leadership Institute

Davis-Putter Fund for ENROLLED College Students involved in Activism

Additional Resources:

College.gov

SB Scholarship Foundation

Financial Aid Finder

ScholarshipHelp.org

Princeton Review

US News Financial Aid 101

Scholarship Fund for Ventura County

Santa Maria College Scholarships

What Do You Think?: Talking Back

Scenario:

Peter, a 7th grader, has been really frustrated in his English class. He's already 2 grade levels behind in his reading ability, and his teacher expects him to keep up with the other kids. A lot of days he just gives up and doodles in his notebook instead of reading. There are so many words he doesn't understand and he doesn't want to ask his teacher for help in front of his classmates because they'll make fun of him outside of class.

When his teacher starts a class discussion on the chapter they were supposed to have finished last night, he starts to tap his pencil on his desk as he thinks about football practice after school. His teacher calls on him to answer a discussion question, and Peter looks up at her and snidely responds, "What, don't you know the answer?"

         

Questions for Discussion:

1. Do you think that this was an appropriate response for Peter? Why do you think this was his response?
2. What might have been a better answer to the teacher's question, if Peter didn't understand the book and couldn't contribute to the discussion?
3. How might his classmates perceive him after this incident? Positively or negatively?
4. What do you think are the short and long term consequences of his actions?
5. How does talking back affect the relationship between Peter and his teacher?
6. What should Peter do to help establish a better relationship with his teacher? (*hint: may involve time before or after class)
7. Is there someone else that Peter could talk with about the situation and ask for help to mend the relationship with his teacher?

Factoids:

** Talking back is usually observed when a child or teenager doesn't know how to properly ask for things or to communicate. It is better for authorities to calmly explain to a youngster how to properly communicate, in an appropriate setting and time (and not when a child has just challenged an adult with back-talk). It is important to explain that simply asking respectfully does not necessarily mean they will achieve the outcome they are requesting, and keep in mind that the younger the child or teen the more difficult it can be for them to understand this. The lesson may need repeating...mutliple times. 

** Sometimes as the adult witnessing the situation, it is easy to let it go; we already have too much on their plates and it becomes just one more thing to worry about. Sometimes we're reluctant to intervene because we think our mentee will just become more angry. But simply avoiding back talk doesn’t work, because then our protegé won’t learn how to express himself effectively.

** Research shows that if a child is talking back all the time without punishment or firm limits being set, make no mistake, that child is being trained to do it more often.

** Some back talk is normal during adolescence while teenagers are trying to establish their independence. Teenagers often aren’t thinking things through; they’re just beginning to learn how to stand up for themselves, and most of the time they’re not going to do it very well.

What Mentors Can Do to Help With This?

** Most importantly, share your experiences with back talk and how you feel about it. Did you talk back when you were their age, why or why not?  How did that work out for you?  How do you perceive kids/people who talk back now? Also, remember that your mentee is always watching you, so be a good role model whenever you're with them. If someone cuts you off on the road, be careful not to yell. If you encounter a person being rude to you, make sure you think about what you say before you say it. And if you accidentally talk back to someone, be sure to talk it through with your mentee and come up with an alternative conversation that could have been had.

** Pay attention to your mentees opinion about talking back. Is the child disrespectful or verbally abusive to you and others?  Is that their only way of getting what they want or are they capable of other ways of communication?

** Analyze your mentee’s self-esteem and comfort. Do they feel powerless or not listened to? Do they seem out of control?  Talk with them about why they talk back and try to be understanding.  Whatever the reason, once you figure out why they are doing it you can help them problem solve to find another, more effective, method to communicate and reach their goal.  Help them consider long term effects of talking back or being respectful. Talking back is often an immediate response that is not well thought out, so considering the consequences before they do it will help them avoid making the same bad choices. 

** If you perceive back talk in your mentee, it would be appropriate to help the child/teenager change rude behavior by showing how one’s viewpoint and opinion can be stated in a more respectful and appropriate way.  Talk with them about the pros and cons of different communication styles and how not talking-back could be much more effective in reaching their goals at home and in school. Be patient through this process, as your words may need to be repeated several times on various occasions. 

** Explain to your mentee that even when two people absolutely don’t agree, there are other options that will work much better than back talk.  And sometimes silence, or agreeing to disagree, will keep them from saying or doing something they might regret later.  Feel free to role play different situations and responses so when they are in the moment they don’t have to think about it, they have responses planned.

** Talk with your mentee about how he feels when ignoring disciplinary efforts and talking back to authorities. Help them consider the potential consequences of talking back, from just being labeled a “jerk” to getting in serious trouble at home/school or even with the law.  Talking back to a police officer can take a simply warning and turn it into an expensive ticket!  And if talking back becomes a habit it could negatively impact their work and personal relationships for the rest of their life!

What Do You Think?: Managing Anger

Scenario:

Marina is a 6th grader and recently she has been getting in trouble at school for fighting with her classmates. When she was younger her parents used to fight constantly and her father struggled with alcoholism. He used to yell all the time and once he even hit her mother. But last year he got sober and is trying hard to mend things with his family. Although Marina likes seeing her mother so much happier and wants to be a close family again she can’t stop feeling angry at her father for what he put them through.
When she is at school she gets along well with her classmates and has many friends, but if things aren’t going her way or someone says something she doesn’t like she blows up and can’t control herself. Because of this she has been in several fights during and after school and is in danger of suspension or even expulsion. Marina knows she needs to stop fighting but she doesn’t know how to control herself and that only makes her angrier.

Questions for Discussion:

1. How do you think you would feel if you were Marina? Why does she fight?
2. What do you think she could do to control her anger besides fighting? Is there anyone she can got o for help?
3. What might happen if she doesn’t learn to manage her anger?
4. What could her parents or teacher do to help Marina?
5. What would you do if you were Marina’s friend?

Factoids:

** Anger in children is their way of telling us that there is something wrong, usually that a goal is blocked or needs are not being met.

** According to research (Fabes and Eisenberg, 1992) anger has three main components: the emotional state itself and physiological response, the resulting behavioral expression of anger, and the person’s understanding of their anger. Learning to manage anger effectively starts with an understanding of these three aspects, and children need extra help because they are just starting to learn about emotions and often have a limited ability to think critically about their own feelings and behaviors.

** Learning to deal with anger in a productive way is extremely important because people who are often angry are at an increased risk for a huge variety of physical ailments including high blood pressure, heart attacks, gastrointestinal problems, diabetes, and high levels of stress. In fact, chronic anger can shorten your lifespan by as much as 10-20 years!

** Chronic anger is also a leading cause of workplace dissatisfaction, depression, insomnia, anxiety, relationship problems, low self-esteem, and substance abuse.

** Anger, and the behaviors associated with it, is one of the many things children can learn from their parents. Children of an angry or abusive parent are 10 times more likely to be angry and abusive themselves!

** The frontal lobe is critical in managing anger and that part of the brain is not fully formed until about 24 years of age. This explains the difficulty children and teens have in regulating their emotions and shows why they need extra guidance to help them do so effectively. 

What Mentors Can Do to Help Prevent This?

** The best thing to do is to talk with your mentee about emotions in general, and about any anger they might be experiencing to try to help them understand the three components mentioned above. Depending on the age of your mentee you may have to spend more time simply educating them about emotions: the different types, what they look like, what they feel like, what you can do if the feel each one etc. But once they understand more about emotions you can talk to them specifically about ay anger they might have felt or be feeling and start explaining the 3 parts.

** The first component, the emotional state of anger, is the moment when someone becomes angry and feels the physical symptoms such as teeth grinding, fists clenching, flushing, paling, prickly sensations, numbness, sweating, muscle tensions and temperature changes. Many children don’t know or understand their physical reactions and they might make them more upset or agitated, so explain to your mentee what is going on in their body when they feel anger.

** Then you can touch on the second component, the behavior expression of their anger, and talk to them about what they did when they got angry. Did they react aggressively with angry words or even physical assault, or did they react passively by running away, sulking, bottling up their anger, seeking adult comfort etc? Let them talk openly and without judgment about their anger and subsequent behavior, and let them know that anger is a normal emotion and they should not be embarrassed or ashamed. You just want to help them handle it in the best way possible for their health and happiness.

** Then you can move to the third component, self analysis and understanding. Start helping them think critically about their anger and how they deal with it.

         ~Why are they really angry? What goal is being thwarted or need not being met? For example, if Marina is angry because a girl said something mean about her mom she is angry at that girl for not meeting her need for respect from her peers. But she is also angry at her father for years of not meeting her needs of safety and parental love/warmth. Obviously the first is a little easier to deal with than the second but understanding why she is angry is the first step.

         ~What can they do to deal with their anger effectively so they feel better and don’t hurt anyone or get in trouble. Brainstorm with them possible strategies and suggest some of these proven effective methods:
1. The best response is to talk with someone they trust about their feelings and try to be as rational as possible to come up with a solution to what is causing the anger. But if they can’t handle their anger while talking or need tips to cool down in the moment these next one will be more helpful.
2. Count to 10 slowly
3. Focus on taking deep slow breaths
4. Move to another room or go for a walk, get out of the angry space
5. Meditate or think of something nice that you enjoy.
6. Exercise or play a sport, or just get up and run around a little bit.
7. Teach them to keep a journal where they can write down all of their anger and get it out of their head.
8. Do art (drawing, painting, music etc) to help them express their anger in a creative way.
9. Have them release their anger into a pillow by squeezing, punching, or yelling into it. But don’t encourage lots of aggressive behavior as it will only help them practice a negative response.

** Let them choose which one of these responses they would like to try next time they get angry and practice it with them. If it doesn’t work for them try a different one until something works.

** For more tips and strategies visit these websites:
http://www.help-your-child-with-anger.com/anger-management-for-teenagers.html
http://www.athealth.com/consumer/issues/childsanger.html
http://www.effectiveparenting.org/tips1.asp

What Do You Think?: Cheating in School

Interesting article from a concerned Atlanta citizen
Read more here.

Scenario:

Brent hates going to school because he has to do math everyday and thinks it’s very boring. His teacher, Ms. Peterson is explaining a math problem, and he feels she is speaking a different language. At the end of class, she reminds everyone that tomorrow is the Chapter Review test. Brent is worried because he doesn’t know how to solve the problems and doesn’t want to study.

The next morning he wakes up and gets to school. He didn’t study and is sitting at his desk nervously waiting as the teacher passes out the test to each student. Brent looks down at the test and doesn’t know a single answer. He looks over to his friend Justine’s who is right next to him. Brent whispers to her and asks if he can see her answers. Justine thinks Brent is cute, so she moves her test to the side of her desk and lets Brent copy her answers.



Questions for Discussion:

1. What do you think are different ways people cheat?
2. Who will get in trouble for cheating? Brent, Justine, or both?
3. What are some consequences of cheating?
4. Why do you think Brent cheated?
5. What do you think his teacher will think about him because he cheated? What about his parents?
6. If you saw someone cheating, what would you do?

Factoids:

** Math and Science are the courses in which cheating most often occurs.

** According to one recent survey of middle schoolers, 2/3 of respondents reported cheating on exams, while 9/10 reported copying another’s homework.

** 24% of girls and 20% of boys admitted that cheating started for them in the 1st grade.

** Research about cheating among middle school children (Ages 12-14) has shown that: 1) There is increased motivation to cheat because there is more emphasis on grades; 2) Even those students who say it is wrong, cheat; and 3) If the goal is to get a good grade, they will cheat.

** High school students are less likely than younger test takers to report cheaters, because it would be “tattling” or “ratting out a friend.”

What Mentors Can Do to Help Prevent This?

** Take Pressure Off. Kids often cheat because they see it as the only way to measure up to high expectations. Although it's good to expect the most from your kids, make it clear that you expect them to do their best, not be the best.

** Prep for Peer Pressure. Whether your child is involved in cheating or not, she will feel pressure to participate from peers at school, from friends asking to copy a last minute lab report to students passing notes across their desk during a test. Make sure they know that by saying “No” now, she's not only helping herself, but helping others in the long run.

** If your mentee discloses that they’ve cheated, help them determine why. If they're young, it could be because they don't know that cheating is wrong. If they're older, there could be other reasons. Maybe they feel too much pressure to do well on their tests. Or maybe they simply didn't study for a test because they were too busy watching TV the night before. If they're cheating at sports, they might be looking for a scholarship to their favorite college. Before you can decide the best method of action, you'll need to get to the bottom of their reason for cheating.

** Explain why cheating isn’t the best answer for problem-solving. Young children are generally trying to learn right from wrong. With them, you can simply explain that cheating is "wrong." But cheating isn't only wrong; it's unfair to those who work hard without cheating. Explain that cheating only undermines their actual abilities and makes them feel less confident. Hard work pays off much more than cheating because you actually get long-term benefits from it.

** Discuss the consequences of cheating. They might even think it's okay to cheat if there's no chance of getting caught. On top of reminding them why cheating is wrong, drill into their heads the consequences of cheating, including embarrassment, punishment and even prison if they get caught cheating at the wrong thing when they get older. Most children will simply avoid cheating because it's wrong, but you might need to use the "scared straight" method with others.

Starting the year on the right foot. or left. whichever you prefer.

Wondering how to start this next year? Here are a few ideas to help:

• If your mentee is new to the school, talk about what is different and what is the same. Share your own experiences with new schools and settings.
• Ask your mentee what she is looking forward to most during the school year and to describe the one thing she most wants to accomplish. Tell her what you want to accomplish during the same period.
• Investigate new things that will be happening in your community and discuss how they will affect each of you.
• Create an imaginary time capsule. What would each of you want future generations to know? Pick a place where you would bury it and decide when it should be opened.
• Fly a kite in the schoolyard.
• Help your mentee search the Internet for an after-school job.
• Initiate a discussion about dream vacations. Describe your dream vacation and ask your student to do the same.
• If you like to plan ahead, invite your mentee to join in making holiday gifts for friends and relatives.
• Read with and to your student. (Literacy is more than just being able to read and write. It is the ability to understand and communicate information and ideas by others and to others clearly and to form thoughts using reason and analysis.)
• Read for information. Read maps, graphs, charts and recipes together. Learning how to read a bus schedule is an important skill in life.
• If your student is older, try sharing more mature reading materials like newspapers, magazines and chapter books. Reading aloud increases your student’s listening comprehension and vocabulary. Ask your student’s teacher or school librarian to suggest books and magazines that are appropriate for your student’s age group.