Mentor of the Year: Lisa Gosdschan

The Fighting Back Mentor Program Coordinator, Ann Cowell, told me while choosing the Mentor of the Year that she is looking for someone who not only demonstrates the time commitment to their mentee, but a commitment to the community as a whole.  She looks for a mentor who supports and cares for their mentee in every way that they can: in school, in their personal lives, and by encouraging them to always learn and experience new things.

This year we are so proud to announce and celebrate Lisa Gosdschan as our 2012 Mentor of the Year, because she embodies all of those qualities! Throughout her long, and sometimes rocky, relationship with her mentee she never gave up, never stopped caring, and is a perfect example of what a mentor can be given enough time, heart, and devotion. Her work with her mentee, who is now an 8th grader, is beyond the expectations of a mentor, and therefore comes directly from her own intrinsic motivation and spirit. Her story is important to share because it shows how, when given the opportunity, people are capable of immeasurable generosity and compassion.

When I sat down for an interview with Lisa, she told me of all the ways she supports her mentee with her physical, emotional, psychological, and even spiritual health. Lisa is extremely hands on, very involved, and an incredible model of humanitarian work. She is a valuable member of numerous volunteer groups: Mentor Task Force, Kiwanis Club, Catholic Charities (Food Pantry, Special Olympics) and on the board of Alpha Resource Center. Her volunteer work with Ed Cue at Kiwanis, exposed her to the need of mentoring, and inspired her to get involved with more programs within the Santa Barbara community.

           

            Nearly three years ago, Lisa and her mentee met for the first time at their match meeting at her elementary school. It was clear from day one that they were a good match. When I read over her mentee’s pre-match interview, I found that when she was asked 'What type of person would you like to be matched with?' she responded, "Someone who is nice, who cares about me, and knows other languages." It turns out that Lisa speaks French, German, and English. But this is only one small connection among many, such as their shared love of cats, and going to Yogurtland, that make them great. Lisa brought Jolly Ranchers to the match meeting for her mentee and it turned out that that was her favorite candy! The candy was a great conversation starter and it allowed for her normally shy mentee to open up. They were both very enthusiastic about the relationship and her mentee fed off of Lisa’s energy. Lisa identified with her because as a young girl she remembers being shy and reserved also. And then as she grew older Lisa overcame her shyness, became a cheerleader, and got more involved in school and the community. Lisa was immediately excited to share this experience and knowledge with her mentee, to help her blossom, just as Lisa had.

                        For Lisa, sharing her childhood and family experiences with her mentee has been a wonderful and important part of their relationship, but dealing with the differences in their backgrounds and perspectives, and relating to her mentee with understanding and without judgment, has been one of her greatest struggles. Not having any children to base a mentoring relationship on, Lisa put forth what she knew about support and encouragement from growing up in a disciplined and structured military household. Sometimes it was hard for Lisa to understand her mentee’s actions, because she describes that from her own experience growing up "I just never [broke the rules], I just never did anything. I knew there would be consequences and I didn’t want to find out what they were. I never got in trouble, never got suspended, never got anything, and when I met my mentee, her family was totally different. You know, with her father incarcerated, uncle incarcerated, broken family with her mother busy all the time, she didn’t have any consequences. But she was a child, so I figured, you know, it doesn't really matter, this dynamic, obviously she needs someone, and I think it was just a really, really good match for us."

           

            Lisa’s mentee is raised by a single working mother with two other children, one of whom suffers from a difficult mental disability, and therefore her mentee often finds herself without attention or help from her overwhelmed mother. Lisa is more than willing to step into this gap to help her mentee and her mother, and make sure her mentee has regular visits to the doctor and dentist, that she is signed up for important school programs such as the meal plans and correct classes, and takes time to have fun with her mentee and go shopping or walking down State St. Lisa also focuses on encouraging her mentee to increase her involvement in her schoolwork, and after her mentee expressed interest in criminal investigation as a potential career Lisa helped her explore this interest even more and turn it into a motivating goal. Throughout their relationship Lisa has helped her mentee embrace the idea of attaining good grades, going to college, and finding a career path that uses her strengths and sparks her interests. It truly is a great relationship when a mentor can help a mentee see their potential and take steps to reach it.

            I asked Lisa why she gives so much of her time and energy to her mentee she explained that it is a wonderful opportunity to be an positive influence on a young person at a time when they need it most, and talked about how mentoring enriches her life as much as her mentees: "[A mentor] can make someone feel important and show them how they can make others feel important; when you give, you get a lot back.” And after two years of numerous challenges and growth in the relationship, Lisa told me about a time when she 'got a lot back' and truly saw that she was making an impact. Lisa took her mentee on a trip to visit with Lisa's family while they did spring cleaning: "[My mentee] saw everybody do everything together. Everybody would work together, eat together, and we'd be laughing around the table, I don't think that [her mentee’s family] have a dinner table to tell you the truth. Even though cleaning a house isn’t our regular circumstances she just saw a family that was really working hard together, and she had a great time working along side us. I think that was a changing experience for her and she was happy to give back to me and my family." For Lisa this was such a rewarding time with her mentee, and she cherishes the ability to show her different perspectives and the different ways that people, and families, live. This changed her mentee’s worldview, and Lisa said that after this trip there was a positive shift in her demeanor overall, and her attitude towards school. This story, among many, best illustrates Lisa's inclusive approach and dedication, but it also illustrates the possibilities in mentoring, and how something that may seem random can make the greatest impact.

When we asked Lisa's mentee if she could describe her mentor in one word, she chose the word "generous." Not only does this describe Lisa perfectly, but it also describes the soul of a Mentor, someone who is willing to give of themselves to help another. There are Mentors that give an incredible amount of their time, spirit, and support, and some who can only give that one hour a week, but they all make a difference. And then there are Mentors like Lisa, who demonstrates outstanding generosity, support, graciousness, resilience, passion, and compassion that goes above and beyond anything we ask or expect of mentors within the program.

Congratulations, Lisa, for being our 2012 Mentor

of the Year! You truly deserve it!

~Kiana G. Alzate, Creative Media Intern with the Fighting Back Mentor

Program

What Do You Think?: Cell Phone Use in Class

Scenario:

Ryan, a 7^th grade student, is so excited because his grandpa just bought him a cell phone. His mom wasn’t very happy with it, and wanted him to leave it at home on school days, but Ryan convinced her it would be okay, that he’d only use it for “emergencies”.

The first few days, he kind of forgot that he even had it, and it stayed in his backpack until after school. But then one day during Nutrition, a bunch of his friends were showing each other a hilarious YouTube video. They told Ryan to check his phone, that they’d texted him the website and he should watch it. By the time he started watching the video, he had to get to his next class. He knew his teacher always started things slow, so he kept watching and finished when he arrived. But he didn’t have anyone to talk with about it when he got to class. He was bursting and really wanted to share his reactions with his friends, so he started a group text when the teacher wasn’t looking. He was nervous he’d get caught, but the teacher didn’t seem to notice. Pretty soon, class was over. He had no idea what the teacher had talked about, but his homework assignment was on the board, so he quickly jotted it down and moved on to his next class.

Questions for Discussion:

1. Do you have a cell phone? What do you use it for mostly?

2. Do you see a lot of friends texting during class?

3. Why do you think teachers don’t allow cell phone use in class?

4.  Would you consider it rude if you were Ryan’s teacher and discovered him texting during your class?

5. Do you think that Ryan should text his friends all the time now during class since his teacher didn’t catch him?

6. Do you think his mom might find out about his “non-emergency” cell use? What would she say if she did? What might be the consequences?

7. Why do you think or not think you and/or your friends should have your own cell? Give 5 good reasons to support your argument.

Factoids

*75-80% of teens, ages 12-17, now have cell phones, where only 40-45% had them in 2004.  Nearly half of teens say their cell phone is one of the most important parts of their social lives.  88% of teens who use cell phones also use the text messaging services on these phones.

*1/3 teens sends more than 100 text messages per day.

*24% of teens attend schools that ban cell phones from the building; 62% can have them at school, just not in class and 12% can have them any time at school.

* 64% of teens with cell phones have texted in class; 25% have made or received a call during class time.

*A study done by Context Research group showed that teens who do not have cell phones may be ostracized by peers who do have cell phones, partially due to the convenience in communication amongst those who do have cell phones and other mobile devices.  A researcher from the same group called it a “social faux pas” for a teenager to not have a cell phone.

*Many teens feel pressured to have the newest and coolest phone.  With phone companies, such as Apple, coming out with newer models constantly, this can make kids feel as if what they have is not good enough. 

*94-98% of teens note that the main reason for having their phone is so their parents can reach them any time and vice versa.  They also note feeling safer because of this. 

*24% of teens have been bullied or harassed through text message and/or phone calls.

*48% of teens have been in the car while the driver was texting.  California and many other states ban the use of phones while driving, unless using a hands free device, such as a Blue Tooth.  For those who use the headphones versions of hands-free devices, they are not allowed to be in both ears at the same time while driving. There are strict fines and penalties for phone usage while driving.  Whether or not there is a law against it, phone usage while driving has resulted in many accidents and even deaths. 

*There is a growing trend of using mobile devices to cheat on tests in school, which is also part of the reason many phones are banned, along with being a distraction.

*Many teens now have Facebook and often accept friend requests from people they barely know and even strangers.  Many of these same teens post their mobile number on their Facebook page, allowing anyone on their list to have access to it.

*Cell phones can add to bullying, harassment, and inappropriate images/content.  Some teens may send provocative pictures to a boyfriend or girlfriend, later to find them posted online and/or sent to unintended recipients.  Teens have greater access to multiple applications on cell phones, especially on many of the newer models, as well as the internet, with little to no content restrictions placed.

For Mentors

*Talk to your mentee about whether or not they have a cell phone.  If they do have one, ask them how they got the phone (from parents, bought it themselves, etc) and why they like having it (to reach their parents, talk to friends, etc).  If they do not have a phone, see what they say about whether or not they want to get one, and why.  If anything regarding peer pressure comes up in this conversation, talk to them about being their own person and not worrying about what others think.  Use your own personal experiences if need be, perhaps talking about what the “cool trend” was when you were their age.

*Talk about ways to communicate with and without a cell phone, including contacting parents and friends, emergency calls, Facebook, land lines, e-mail, and others and how a cell phone can be used in positive ways.

*Work with your mentee to program an emergency contact number as “ICE” (in case of emergency) in their cell phone.  This would allow others to have a number to reach if an emergency arose.

*If you both have cell phones, it might be fun to go through different features together.  You could share ringtones together and talk about courtesy of ringtones, especially in class or other quiet areas.  Expand on this and go through games, texting, and other parts of the phone, making sure to continue the conversation about appropriate usage, courtesy, and privacy.  If you are familiar with them, talking about different applications and limiting privacy could also be helpful.

*Talk to your mentee about privacy, and how it is important to limit who they give their mobile number to and where they post it.  Encourage them not to post it on Facebook unless their friends list is limited to close family and friends only and to not give their phone number out to strangers.  Encourage them not to respond to unfamiliar numbers and text messages.

*Find a news story about cellular and cyber bullying.  See what their thoughts and feelings are about this.  Discuss bullying and encourage them not to bully others, through cell phones or any method.  Also encourage them to report any abusive, harassing, and inappropriate messages or calls they may receive.

*Talk with your mentee about how, once they put something out there, that person is capable of passing that information on.  This could be a text message, e-mail, photograph, Facebook post, or voicemail.  Encourage them to protect themselves by monitoring what they send to others and not to send something they would not want others to see.

*Discuss the ways that a cell phone can be harmful, such as distracting someone in class and/or while driving.  Encourage your mentee to use their phones in-between classes and never if they are driving.  Talk about some of the potential negative consequences, such as getting poor grades, getting detention from the teacher, or worse- getting into an accident and/or getting hurt if using the phone while driving.  If they have to drive a long way, encourage the use of a hands free headset or other hands free device and not to dial while driving.

Resources

http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1572/teens-cell-phones-text-messages

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/15/tech/cnettechnews/main4449232.shtml

http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2010/Teens-and-Mobile-Phones.aspx

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2003/05/58861