What do you think?: Consistency and Communication

Scenario- Silvia has been struggling with junior high since she entered 7th grade last year. She needs a little extra help organizing all of the homework from all of her different classes. Not only does she feel busy at school, but her family isn't doing very well, and her parents have been stressed out with work, and concerned about paying the bills on time. Silvia feels overwhelmed and gets distracted during classes worrying about her family. Then she gets upset that she cannot focus in class, or on her homework. It feels like an unbreakable cycle and she doesn't know what to do.

Normally she talks to her Mentor, who she has been seeing since last year, but unfortunately they haven't been meeting as much this school year. They don't have a consistent meeting day during the week, and most of the time they try to schedule a meeting it doesn't work out, either because Silvia is helping out at home or her Mentor is booked, and they don't meet at all. Silvia is starting to feel that her Mentor is too busy to meet with her, or maybe just doesn’t want to be her mentor anymore. Silvia doesn't want to bother her Mentor too much, so she stops calling and texting because she is worried it might stress her Mentor out, and she is a little upset at how her mentor hasn’t been communicating with her. When her Mentor calls now, Silvia avoids the phone calls and tries to focus on helping her family.

Questions for Discussion-

1. What do you think about this situation? Why are they having so much trouble with communication and consistent meetings?
2. What do you do when you get stressed out about something in your life? Is it hard to open up to someone about it, especially if they are busy with their own drama? Does it help to talk to someone?
3. What do you think will happen if Silvia focuses on her family and drops out of school? Will that really help her family? What could she do instead?
4. Do you think that Silvia's Mentor really stopping caring about her? What could the Mentor do to rebuild Silvia’s trust?
5. What do you think is the best solution for Silvia and her Mentor? How can they both improve their communication and get back on track? 

How Mentors Can Help-

          **When it comes to building a relationship and trust, with your mentee or anyone, the most important aspects are consistency and communication. It is the mentor’s responsibility to move the relationship forward and do the majority of the communication and reaching out to set up meetings, at least at first until a rhythm is established.

**It is important for Mentors to establish consistency with their Mentees early on in the relationship, and especially during the beginning of the school year. A consistent start is a good start, and usually leads to development of good routines and habits. In the beginning of the school year try to set up a consistent day and time for your weekly meeting, and then add on extra time to hang out outside of school if you want, while keeping that same weekly meeting. You can change or experiment with your meeting place(s) depending on what activity/assignment you're doing that day.

**The hardest part of setting up these meetings is communication with your mentee, so if you run into trouble contact your case manager for information on the teacher or school counselor as they are excellent assets to help with this process.

**However, we know that you have your own lives and responsibilities that can throw your routine off track sometimes. When this happens its important to communicate with your mentee not only that you need to reschedule the meeting, but why, and reinforce that you look forward to meeting them on the rescheduled date. This is so that they don’t feel you are just ditching them or that you no longer want to mentor them. Many of the kids we work with are sensitive to rejection so it’s important to be aware of this. If you cannot meet with them try to stay in touch with a text message or phone call so they know you are still there for them.

          **Show your emotional support by asking about them and their about their family. Share what’s going on in your own life so they feel more comfortable opening up and sharing in return. Talk to them about school and how that is going for them. Maybe it is best to separate school and family time; suggest that they do their assignments with you, after school in the library, or during their supervision period so they can focus on fun and family when they are home. When your Mentee knows you understand both their school life and their home life, then they are more likely to reach out when they need help or need advice about something.

September 4th, 2012

What do you think?: Back to School

Scenario-

Martin just started junior high last week and is already feeling a little overwhelmed about having so many different classes, with different teachers, and each having different homework! He sees other kids with lots of binders and folders, color coded pens, and always writing things down. He wonders how he will keep track of his notes and assignments, and if he should buy a binder and folders. His mom never made it past 6th grade so she doesn't know how to help him when he asks her about classes. He thinks about going to one of his teachers and asking him about what he should do, but Martin feels intimidated asking for help since he doesn’t know them. He feels too nervous and thinks it is it's too much work to ask for help. Martin decides he is probably fine to do what he has always done, so he puts his homework away in his backpack to pull it out later at home. He decides this and quickly feels better and goes outside to play with his friends.

Questions for Discussion-

1. What do you think will happen if Martin does not get organized for school and just tries to keep on using his old methods? What would you do in his place?
2. When you get confused about an assignment or anything school related do you ask for help? Who would you go to if you did?
3. What do you do to get organized for school? Do you have a binder? Folders?
4. How do you keep track of your assignments? Do you write things down anywhere?
5. What happens when you just put things in your backpack? How might this method make it difficult to do well in junior high or high school?

 Factoids-

** The basic advantage of doing homework is : in a well-run class, doing the homework prepares students for taking the exams. This does not mean that exam problems are like homework exercises; it means that students who put a lot of time and effort into homework tend to do better in exams than students who do not. But there's an additional advantage: doing the homework helps students to learn the material better. By reading a text, a student can memorize facts; by doing homework, a student can learn how to use those facts [1].

**Beliefs regarding the positive non-academic effects of homework include that it:

• develops or improves attitudes about school and learning,

• develops or increases organizational and time management skills,

• increases the opportunity for independent problem solving,

• develops positive attitudes toward learning and school,

• develops self-direction and self-discipline,

• promotes inquisitiveness and exploration, and

• promotes the understanding that learning extends beyond the school walls [2].

** In a 2007 study data collected showed 95.0 of elementary student and secondary students reported that they completed homework outside of school [3].

** Average hours per week spent by elementary and secondary students who do homework outside of school was 9.2 hours for elementary students and 8.8 hours for secondary students [3].

**A higher percentage of Black students (83 percent) had parents who reported that they checked to make sure that their students' homework was done, compared with parents of White students (57 percent), Asian students (59 percent), and students of two or more races (66 percent).  In addition, 76 percent of Hispanic parents reported checking homework, higher than the percentage of White or Asian parents who did so [4].

** Homework has shown to have a positive impact on achievement in comparison to no homework. The impact of homework varies by grade level and is greatest for older students. Homework had twice as large an effect at high school as at junior high. In turn, the impact at junior high was twice as large in comparison to elementary school. Marzano and Pickering (2007) note the following effect size and average percentile gains [1]:

Grades 4-6: Effect Size = .15 (Percentile gain = 6 points)

Grades 7-9: Effect Size = .31 (Percentile gain = 12 points)

Grades 10-12: Effect Size = .64 (Percentile gain = 24 points)

How Mentors Can Help-

**Ask your Mentee about their daily routine with school and homework, and share your own experiences with school. Help them identify areas that they might be able to improve their organization or practices to make their life easier and less stressful. The beginning of the school year is a great time to create new and better habits!

           

**If they are transitioning to Junior High ask them how they feel about having more than one teacher. This can help you gauge their levels of anxiety, excitement, maybe if they are overwhelmed, and then help them find fun ways to organize themselves and explain how that might help ease the transition into their new schedules and routines and reduce stress.

Some people love to color code while others may want multiple binders or colored folders etc, so be open to their ideas about how they want to organize.

**Ask your Mentee if they ask for help on certain assignments or if they talk to a teacher at school, maybe an AVID teacher or counselor.

**It is important as a Mentor to begin every school year with consistent meet-ups. It is essential for the relationship to have a routine and consistency (especially at the beginning of the school year), so that you can establish that you are there for them. Make it known to them that you are available during this busy transition time and try to set up a consisted day and time to meet with them on or off campus.

**Talk to them about their homework habits,  especially where and when they do their work. If they feel overwhelmed by all of the work talk to them about ways to make it easier like breaking it up into manageable chunks with short breaks in between for fun and games or relaxation. And definitely try to reinforce the idea that work gets done before play. This website explains how  "creating a homework station" can improve good study/assignment habits:  http://www.simplify101.com/back-to-school-organizing-tips.php

 http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/764-ready-set-back-to-school

http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/738-eating-sleeping-and-learning

http://www.healthychildren.org/english/news/pages/back-to-school-tips.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

References:

1. McColm., G. (n.d.). About homework . Retrieved from http://shell.cas.usf.edu/~mccolm/pedagogy/HW.html

2. George , M. (2007). Got homework?. The Association of California School Administrators, Retrieved from http://www.acsa.org/FunctionalMenuCategories/Media/PositionPapers/GotHomework.aspx

     3. Youth indicators 2011, america’s youth: Transitions to adulthood. (2011, December ). Retrieved from http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2012/2012026/chapter4_35.asp

     4. Digest of Education Statistics http://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d11/tables/dt11_166.asp

On paper, mentoring can seem a bit overwhelming, maybe even daunting, for someone who doesn't have children, or doesn't trust themselves to give the right type of influence to a malleable mind. With our busy schedules we doubt our ability to give an hour a week to someone who may need a bit more attention and advice, let alone a child who may truly need a strong mentor.  These fears are understandable, but I hope that as we celebrate all of the amazing work that Edgar Diaz has done we can also use his words and experience to better understand the true nature of mentoring and why we should move past our hesitation and reach out to change the life of a child.

Edgar joined the Mentor Program as a Mentor Advocate at the very end of 2010, and within one month was matched up with his first mentee, MP, a 6th grader with a difficult family situation and problems managing his anger.  Edgar quickly made a connection with MP by helping him open up about his feelings while playing basketball or just walking around campus during lunch, encouraging him to try new things, and even helping him get into an excellent private school by personally speaking to the dean in his favor. As their relationship progressed Edgar realized that he was truly helping to change MP’s life. 

This experience was so rewarding and meaningful for Edgar that just over 4 months after being matched with MP he took on his second mentee, CL. A rambunctious 3rd grader who struggled to follow the rules, often fought with his classmates, and also lived in a tumultuous household. Over many months Edgar helped CL understand and respond more appropriately to his emotions through role playing and problem solving, taught him to write his thoughts down in a journal and “draw his emotions” so he didn’t bottle them up, and gave him a friend to talk to about his struggles at home.  They grew so close that one day CL told Edgar he looked up to him like a father, and Edgar was so proud to have made such an impact on a child in so great a need. Edgar continues to be in touch with MP and CL and looks forward to continuing their relationships for many years to come.

Taking on two mentees within a six month period seems a bit ambitious to me at first, and I wondered how Edgar became so enthusiastic about mentoring. What experience had he had prior to becoming a mentor that drove him to give back and volunteer so much of his time. I asked Edgar what motivated him to become a Mentor and he first spoke about his Aunt: 

“My aunt was the first to go to college. She attended UC Riverside. When I was in fourth grade I spent my spring break with her and she took me to her classes and around campus. We had so much fun and I remember being amazed at how awesome college was! Because of that experience I was determined to go to college. She sparked something in me. To her it probably wasn’t such a big deal but to me it meant so much. I spent most of my junior high and high school years wanting to go to UCR and I eventually decided on UCSB. As I grew older I didn’t need her as much, but she was always there for me when I needed her to review some homework assignments or if I had questions about college. I want to give someone that spark and support that I once received from her.”

Edgar’s was extremely motivated by this family experience, but as he continued to speak he made it clear that its not just family that influences a child, but also the outside environment.

“Also, what inspired me was that I have seen a difference in the lives of people who have someone to care about them and those who don’t. I came from a high school where maybe about 60% of the incoming freshmen actually make it to graduation. My older brother was almost one of them. His teachers weren't pushing him to do better which is why he barely graduated. Of course at one point everyone should become responsible for their own education, but it always helps when someone is encouraging you.”

There are two main places that affect the development of a child, the home and family, and the school community of teachers, peers, and other types of mentors. Talking to Edgar showed that the community outside of the home, especially the school, have just as great an impact on a child’s potential and outlook on life than their home environment, for better or worse. Edgar knows from his time as a mentor, and from being an Advocate for over a year, that just having someone who cares about you and encourages you can make all the difference.  I was curious about how this change comes about, so I put together a questionnaire for Edgar to showcase his perspective on the influence, challenges, positives, negatives, and overall rewards that come from participating as a Mentor in the Fighting Back Mentor Program.

Q: What was your favorite part of working as a Mentor Advocate? And what will you miss most about working with the program?

E: I think my favorite part was matching up a new mentor and mentee. I loved calling the child into the office and tell him/her that I found a mentor for them. Their excited smiles were so cute and it made me feel so good to know I was helping to change their life. Then doing the match meeting and seeing how the mentor and mentee click is always amazing. I became pretty good at finding the right mentee-mentor match, and took a lot of pride in this ability. Then after they are matched up I loved hearing how their relationship was going and how the kids were improving. I also liked hearing how the mentor were enjoying the experience, especially because it was often a surprise to them to realize how much they were growing and how much fun they were having.

Q: What do you think has been the most challenging part of maintaining a mentor/mentee relationship? How did you deal with/overcome it?

E: The changes, as I mentioned before are fun and exciting, however there are changes that can make the relationship challenging and difficult. This goes for both the mentor and the mentee. The mentor might have a family or have a busy job schedule, which can make it more difficult to meet. And as the mentees get older they often get more involved in sports or organizations at school, get caught up in socializing, and start dating.

These transitions, especially from elementary school to middle school can be challenging and different for everyone, but it is always important to remember to welcome the changes with open arms. Both mentor and mentee need to communicate and be honest about what is going on. The mentor will probably have to be more upfront in the beginning because the mentee might feel embarrassed to talk about their feelings. Communication is key with any relationship, especially with kids who aren’t always the best at it. All these kids are smart and they pick up on everything, including how we talk and interact with them. There are many ways of communicating and staying in touch, even if you're not meeting with each other as consistently as you’d like.

Q: Off the top of your head, describe the first moment that you realized that you had made an impact in your mentee’s life? -> How did this make you feel?

E: For MP, the first time I realized I made a difference was when I took him to California Pizza Kitchen for our one-year celebration. All I did was sit there and listen to him. He just kept talking and talking. I knew this was a shift in our relationship because he was shy when I first met him; very polite, respectful, and quiet with a lot going on under the surface. A year later he is sitting there telling me everything about school and how happy he is that he isn’t getting in serious trouble. He was so happy at his new school, with his new friends, and he told me “thank you” for helping to get him in. I was so grateful and happy that he was doing better and staying out of trouble, and it felt great that he identified me as the reason that he was in such a good place.

For CL I think it was when he started the fourth grade. We made short term goals for him to stay out of trouble. First we started with a goal of three days. Honestly it took him a while but eventually he accomplished his goal of three days, then we began to extend the number of days. The lunch lady at his school would always give me updates about how he was doing, and one day at the end of January, she told me that he had not been in trouble for an entire month! I was so happy with this news, I told CL how proud of him I was, and encouraged him to stay out of trouble. After this event, he went on to stay out of trouble for three straight months! Even if he had another moment, he learned to trust me and opened up to let me know if he got in trouble. More importantly this also opened up a place for us to talk about his family and helped us grow closer in our mentor/mentee relationship.

Q: Describe the first moment that you realized your mentee had made an impact/affected your life? -> How did this make you feel?

E: Well, I have a little brother who is 9 years old now, and I missed him because we don’t live nearby. Meeting and maintaining relationships with both of my mentees was a great way of filling that void, because if I can’t be there with my brother at least I can spend time with kids around the same age and energy level, and do my best to guide them. The opportunity to hang out with someone younger, like a younger sibling, also allows me to do all the fun activities people usually stop doing as adults. It is a way to step out of my adult stresses and simply have fun with two great kids, while also knowing I’m helping to enrich their lives.

Q: What do you think has been the most influential and positive part of maintaining a mentor/mentee relationship?

E: I think that the most influential and positive part of maintaining a mentor/mentee relationship is that the mentee has someone who cares about them no matter how old they get or what they are going through. I always tell my mentees that no matter where I go or where they go or whatever happens that I will always be there for them. Any kid simply wants someone who’s going to be there and support them, and someone who will simply show up. It is also very rewarding to maintain a mentoring relationship over time because you can see how you both change and learn from every new experience that comes into each other’s lives. The privilege of not just watching, but positively influencing the course of a child’s life and seeing them grow over time is an amazing satisfaction for me.

            Edgar shows us that becoming a mentor and has its ups and downs, challenges and rewards, growth and regression, exactly like any relationship you maintain over time. It is a choice to participate, encourage and support another individual in whatever it is that they do. Edgar took an opportunity to provide an hour or more a week of his attention to someone who was at risk, who may or may not have been getting it from their family, or teachers at school. What impresses me about Edgar is his patience, not only in hindsight or retrospect, but currently, even as he moves on to a new home, new job, and maybe more education, he looks at his mentoring relationships as current and ongoing. He still makes the time to meet with his mentees and stays in touch over the phone when he cannot visit.  Edgar’s experiences illustrate how truly rewarding, challenging, eye opening, and life changing being a mentor is. His words show what many of us already know first hand, that being a mentor doesn’t just affect the mentee; it also deeply resonates within the mentor and can be a wonderfully life changing and fulfilling experience. As Forest Witcraft famously wrote:

“One Hundred Years from now it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money was in my bank account, nor what my clothes looked like. But the world may be a better place because I was important in the life of a child.”

In Edgar’s case he has made the world a better place through the lives of countless youth in Santa Barbara by his incredible volunteerism and work as a Mentor Advocate.  Because of his commitment to his two mentees, and the community as a whole, we are proud to celebrate Edgar Diaz as our Mentor of the Summer!! Congratulations Edgar, you deserve it!

Scenario: Showering

Julie’s parents work very early in the morning, and come home late. She is in charge of getting her brothers and sisters ready for school and bed. Sometimes she is in such a rush to get things done that she forgets to shower. Julie doesn’t feel it’s that important anyways. She says she’ll take a shower once she gets dirty. One day at school as the class is going to recess, some kids start laughing when they are around Julie. One of the kids says, “Ew, what’s that smell?” They tell Julie she smells funny and jokingly back away. Julie starts to cry and runs off to the corner of the playground.

Questions for Discussion

1. Why do you think the kids are making fun of her? What would you do if one of your friends came to school smelling weird, would you talk to them about it?

2. Do you think showering is important? Why or why not?

3. How often do you shower?

4. What are some consequences of not showering?

6. What products can you use to smell better?

Factoids:

** Personal hygiene may be described as the principle of maintaining cleanliness and grooming of the external body. 

** Kids with poor hygiene face medical consequences and are more prone to developing rashes and infections.

** Poor personal hygiene is a contributor to the spread of infectious diseases. Touching the hands, clothing or bodies of people with poor hygiene spreads colds, ringworm, head and body lice, and other parasites and viruses.

** Cleaning your body is also important to ensure your skin rejuvenates itself, as the scrubbing of your arms, legs, and torso will slough off dead, dry skin and help your skin stay healthy and refreshed.

** Instead of sharing a bath towel, it's suggested to use your own towel. This will prevent cross-contamination.

**Avoiding certain aromatic foods like onions, garlic, or spicy dishes can reduce body odor.

** Remember: nothing smells better than clean skin. Perfumes are not a good substitute for a shower or wash.

** Underclothes are right next to your skin and collect dead skin cells, sweat and possibly other unmentionable stains. Overnight bacteria start to work on these stains so your clothes do not smell as nice on the second day of wearing. If you have to wear a school uniform then take it off as soon as you get home and hang it up to air before you wear it the next day.

** It’s so important to keep your hair clean and conditioned to ensure it stays healthy and strong. Washing your hair at least every other day is important to keeping your hair healthy and in good shape. If you wash it too frequently, your hair will become brittle and dry, making it difficult to grow and keep strong. If you wash it too infrequently, it will become greasy and will also stunt its growth.

** Social aspects can be affected, as many people would rather alienate themselves from someone who has bad personal hygiene than to tell them how they could improve. Bullies may use bad personal hygiene as a way of abusing their victims, using social embarrassment as a weapon.

** In the 'olden' days all water had to be boiled on a fire or wood stove, and then carried to a washbowl or bath. Often families would only have a bath once a week (or less often) when all the family would use the same bath water, one after another. 

How Mentors Can Help:

** Start the conversation by talking about each other’s daily routines.  For instance “I wake up, shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast and go to work, what do you usually do when you wake up?”  This is a non confrontational way to open the door on these sensitive issues.

**Discuss the pros and cons of daily hair washing. Some teens may prefer to skip days to prevent their hair from drying out. Others may want to wash their hair daily -- especially if they have oily hair, which can both look greasy and aggravate acne.

** It’s also important to consider that for children who are going through puberty, which can start as early as 7 to 9 years of age, this is a major transition. Simply put, their bodies need more care than they have in the past in order to remain clean. Talk to your mentee about the changes in their body and why good hygiene is important.

** If your mentee associates showering or bathing with relaxing, they are less likely to fuss when it comes time to clean up. Tell your mentee to use this time in the bathroom to calm down, think about the day, relax, and plan for the week ahead.

** Compliment your mentee when they take the time to look good. They should know that people notice their efforts, and that personal appearance in terms of cleanliness does matter.

** It's easy for kids to go overboard on colognes or body sprays. Be sure you explain that a little bit goes a long way. Smelling good doesn’t always mean they are clean.

**

Additional Resources

* http://www.livestrong.com/article/85452-personal-hygiene/ (article on Personal Hygiene)

* http://www.moneyinstructor.com/art/goodhygiene.asp (tips for good hygiene)

* http://www.ehow.com/about_5410437_information-personal-hygiene.html information on personal hygiene

* http://www.prokerala.com/kids/parenting/child-hygiene-and-wellness.php Wellness and hygiene tips for children

What Do You Think? Transitions Part 1: Elementary to Middle School

Scenario:

Emilio has had a mentor with the mentor program since he was 9 years old, and now he is graduating from elementary school and going to middle school. He is excited to make new friends and start at a new school, but he is also a little embarrassed to have his mentor come meet him at his new school because there will be new people to meet and older students there he wants to impress. He really enjoys having his Mentor in his life, and wants to continue seeing his Mentor, but is nervous and worried what other kids and his new friends might think of him hanging out with an adult at school. He also doesn't know if it's possible to meet his Mentor off campus somewhere every week, and if he will have time to meet his Mentor because of more homework, new friends, and new activities. Emilio really wants to continue meeting with his Mentor because he enjoys all the help and encouragement, but doesn't know what to expect from the change from elementary school to middle school.

Questions for Discussion:

1. What would you do if you were Emilio? How might Emilio benefit from continuing to meet with his mentor through middle school?

2. How do you think Emilio’s mentor would feel if he knew how Emilio felt about this transition? Do you think he would understand?

3. How do you think Emilio can talk to his Mentor about this? What are some of the ways he can still meet with his Mentor outside of school?

4. Are you ever embarrassed or have you been teased when your Mentor comes to meet you at school? If so, how did you deal with it?

5. Do you feel like Emilio will be too old for a Mentor when he gets to middle school? Are you worried about being teased by your peers if you meet with your Mentor as you get older?

Factoids:

**Self-esteem and self-perception of academic competence also may decline when students transition to middle school, especially for girls. One study found that girls who remained in a K-8 setting rather than transitioning to a middle school had higher self-esteem ratings than girls who had made a school transition (Crockett, Peterson, Graber, Schulenberg, & Ebata, 1989).

**A number of studies point to a drop in achievement as students move to new schools and new structures, and the drop may be more significant for girls than for boys.

**When researchers asked kids what aspect of moving to middle school most concerned them, the top answers related to how things at the new school worked (Akos, 2002).

Student motivation and attitudes toward school tend to decline during the transition to middle school, as students begin dealing with the rapid physical, cognitive, and social transformations associated with early adolescence (Urdan & Klein, 1998).

**Young adolescents have a strong need to belong to a group. Peer approval becomes more important and they are likely to turn to friends first when experiencing a problem. As they mature socially, they often have opposing loyalties to peer group and family.

**Though young adolescents may be rebellious toward parents and adults, they still depend on them and desire their approval. They tend to test limits and challenge adult authority figures. (Adapted from Caskey & Anfara, 2007)

**Young adolescents begin to seek independence and to develop a strong sense of individuality and uniqueness. At the same time, they are highly sensitive to criticism, want to fit in with their peers, and are likely to have low self-esteem. They may be moody, restless, self-conscious, and unpredictable as they experience intense emotions and stress.

How Mentors Can Help:

**As your Mentee begins to transition out of 6th (or 5th in Carp) grade, make a plan or offer to help them set up their schedule for middle school/junior high. Maybe take them on a tour of their new school during the summer so they can get familiar with its layout and what to expect. Then you can segue into talking about how and where you would like to keep meeting with them as they transition.

** Go over the change from one teacher and one classroom to multiple teachers and multiple classrooms, and help them prepare for how this will create more distraction and a greater need for organization (binders etc).

** Give your Mentee options and places to meet off campus, outside of school, but keep it consistent. Your Mentee will be more social, a bit more resistant to parents, teachers, Mentors, and adults in their life at this transition so just try not to take it personally. Be accepting of them and their needs, treating them like a child will push them away, while showing them respect will bring them closer.

** Make note of your Mentee's current social life, and how excited or nervous they are about changing schools. If your Mentee is already very social and influenced by their social life they will be more sensitive about meeting on campus. If they are quiet and shy they may be very scared about this big change and will need your support. Tell your mentee about your experience with this transition and let them know you understand what they are going through and are there for them no matter what.

** Encourage extracurricular activities in middle school, as there are tons of sports teams and groups on campus, and many ways to explore their interests and hobbies through school. Mention that this will allow for them to make new friends at a new school, and you can come to the games to support them without embarrassment.

** Peer pressure will be even more present in your Mentee's life, as drugs, alcohol, weekend parties and socializing can make an appearance. Try to keep an open dialogue about these topics so they feel they can always talk to you about whatever is going on in their life.

**And just remember, they are becoming teenagers with all the difficulties that implies, so expect some odd changes and behaviors and just try to be as accepting and supportive of them as you can, because they will need you now more than ever.

NY Times article on Middle School

Resource:

Making the Transition to Middle School: How Mentoring Can Help

Transitions to and from Middle School Research Article

May Mentor of the Month

Deborah Pontifex

When Deborah’s mentee won the first place prize in the Santa Barbara Young Poets Contest Junior High Division, and walked up onto the stage to read her winning piece about her absent father, she was not just reading a poem, but bravely taking the most important leap of her young life. In facing a fear of public speaking and a deeply personal emotional wound, she proved to herself, and to the world, that she is strong enough to take on anything she sets her mind to. The transformation of this shy young girl into a glowingly confident young woman would not have been possible without the help of her mentor, Deborah.

Deborah’s mentee and her mother moved to Santa Barbara from Mexico in her 4th grade year, speaking no English. Her father remained in Mexico. Her mother requested a mentor for her daughter in hopes of providing her with the academic and emotional support she desperately needed as a new and shy student, with a working single mother, and a new baby sister to take care of at home.

Deborah’s mentee was matched up at the beginning of 6th grade. Deborah raved about her young mentee’s amazing focus on her goals of going to college and becoming a doctor or dentist, and her sweet personality. However, Deborah’s mentee’s shy disposition and other challenges have, on occasion, slowed her progress. In their nearly three years together Deborah has tirelessly focused on improving her mentee’s confidence in any way she could; by helping her excel academically, by being her friend and confidant, and always encouraging her to take on new opportunities like applying for summer camps and scholarships. Several times Deborah’s mentee succeeded in winning these scholarships, but when faced with the scary, new responsibility of actually attending these programs, she deferred. While Deborah couldn’t help but feel frustrated to see her wonderful mentee on the edge of success but too scared to step forward, she continued to support her decisions no matter what, knowing that it was just part of the process. Deborah arranged to pick her mentee up from school the day that she was to read her winning poem. As her mentee practiced reading the poem aloud at a quiet coffee shop, she began to cry with the emotion the poem evoked in her, saying “I can’t do this.” Deborah coached her through it, talking to her about her father and what the poem meant to her. After dropping her mentee off at home, Deborah kept expecting a call from her to cancel the reading, but it never came. And when she picked her mentee up that evening she remembers her looking ready, glowing, and confident like never before.

Walking onto that stage was Deborah’s mentee’s big moment of facing her fears and the painful emotions of the loss of her father, of rising to a challenge. “This was the first time in since I began mentoring that I had seen her do something so difficult, something so intimidating to her,” said Deborah, “and to see her sense of achievement and empowerment because she rose to the occasion was the greatest moment of our time together.” For Deborah’s mentee, this was a moment of transformation from child to young adult, and she will never look back.

This moment would not have happened if Deborah had not been there to support her all the way, so thank you Deborah for everything you do, and congratulations for being our May Mentor of the Month!!

Here is Annel’s winning poem:

Nothing

One pair of golden earrings is what I have treasured since I was three years old.

Just one pair of simple, super small, slippery soft, shiny, golden hoop earrings.

This is all, nothing else.

They are as valuable to me as my life.

My mom just laughs, saying, “Oh, you silly girl, they are just earrings.”

I stopped wearing them, and hid them in a box, for that same reason.

But, to me, they are more than earrings.

They are a memory of little things that I can hardly remember, from when I was small.

But, as I grew older, these memories grew bigger each day of my beginning life.

They are my past, and yet part of me now.

They have been touched by someone’s hands with my own blood.Someone very important and missed,but only by me.

They have been through my first day of kindergarten in Mexico to my first day in the U.S.

They have been through my sixth grade graduation, and through my first year in junior high.

They have been through my first communion.

They will be with me when I graduate high school, go to college, and get my first job.

Even when I meet my true love, marry, and have children, they will still be with me.

I don’t mind remembering him; I don’t care what others say.

No, I don’t regret anything.

I don’t regret who I am; I don’t regret any of my past, not one second.

Because my past has formed me, has made me who I am today.

I am proud of who I am today.

These earrings have been hanging from my ears for 10 years.

They have a precious value that nothing else has.

They never judge me; they just hug my ears, as if they are always listening to me.

These golden earrings are the only thing I have from my father.

They symbolize half of me; they hold half of my memories, and half of my blood.

They represent my father’s absence, and all that I could have had with him.

Especially his love for his only daughter.

What Do You Think?: Snacking

Scenario:

Sara loves to snack, especially on candy, soda and other things from the vending machines at school. She is always hungry, but rarely eats a full meal unless she's at home for dinner. Sara never has time for breakfast at home, usually because she is rushing to school, and there aren't a lot of breakfast food options at home. Her parents don’t really eat breakfast either so they never bother her about it.

Sara has been feeling tired, and sometimes dizzy, during classes while at school. She only feels better after drinking a soda or getting a candy bar at the vending machines, but then she becomes tired again and it's hard for her to pay attention in class, especially at the end of the day. Sara is confused because every morning when she gets a soda, she usually feels energized and awake, but throughout the day she becomes more and more tired and craves more sugar or soda to get her through the day. 

Questions for Discussion: 

1. Why do you think Sara is tired throughout the day? What can Sara do to feel more energized? 

2. What kinds of food do you think Sara should be eating? 

3. Do you think that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? How often do you eat breakfast? Do you think that if Sara ate breakfast she wouldn't be as tired? 

4. Why is healthy snacking important? Do you think your food choices affect your energy? How? List what you would eat on a school day with your mentor.

5. What kinds of food do you think are "fun" and tasty? What kinds of food do you think are "healthy"? Are there any foods that you think are fun and healthy?

Factoids:

**If you are hungry a lot, this is natural- during adolescence, a person's body, AND you're brain, demand more nutrients to grow and develop in a healthy way. Snacks are a great way to get more vitamins and nutrients in between meals. 

**Snacking can help hold you over in between meals, and if you're hungry in between breakfast and lunch, pack snacks like fruit, trail mix, or cheese and crackers to keep you satisfied. 

**Nuts have 'healthy fats' which help with brain function and concentration. They have a perfect combination of fat and protein so that you can feel full, satisfied, and stay focused while working on that math homework right after school. A good snack would be peanut butter on rice cakes, or a handful of almonds. 

**Snacking throughout the day keeps your blood sugar levels balanced and even, so you don't feel tired. If you can't focus throughout the day, you might need more health snacks in between meals. Pack snacks like fruit, milk (regular or soy), and nuts to keep yourself from feeling hungry or tired between bigger meals like breakfast, lunch and dinner. 

**Breakfast is an important meal to remember! Count the hours from when you fall asleep to when you first eat the next day. There are probably over 8 hours that you don't eat! This semi-starvation mode on a person's body, especially a growing boy or girl, can be harmful to physical, intellectual and behavioral development. 

**Kids rely on breakfast and regular food intake because their growing bodies and developing brains need the nutrients and vitamins.

**Studies report that those who start the day with breakfast think better, have a better mood, maintain a healthier weight, and have more energy to burn!

How Mentors Can Help:

**Make a list with your mentee of the type of snack foods they usually eat, and help them differentiate the bad snack foods from foods that have more nutritional value.

**Ask them about their meals at home, whether or not they have family dinners, or breakfast. What kind of food does their family keep at home? How can they incorporate healthy snacking with what is available to them at home? 

**Offer suggestions for breakfast like oatmeal, juice, and water. Also suggest easy ways for them to pack a lunch, or at least a few snacks. 

**Make it a game: Have them focus on healthy snacking and eating for a week and have them journal their progress. Go over how they feel; if they feel more energized and focused etc, and where there are challenges in maintaining this type of eating, such as accessibility to certain foods and family habits. Make sure to not criticize the family and their eating habits, but gently suggest different choices and their benefits.

**Compare and contrast the difference of sugar and nutrients in certain foods. How much sugar is really in a coca cola can? What kind of energy can one get from sugar? What kind of energy can one get from apples? (sugar stacks link)

**If your mentee is interested you can have the school nurse talk to you both about nutrition. Education is the first step towards making healthy choices!

Additional Resources: 

*Smart Snacking for Kids and Teens

*The 20 Best Snacks for Kids

*Snacking Ideas for Kids

*Sugar Stacks in Soda

*Article on soda

*10 Best snacks for Kids